YOUTHS, YOU’VE GOT THIS!

A youth organisation in Nigeria planned a business seminar for its members recently and they invited me as a keynote speaker. The topic was “Succeeding in Today’s Tough Business Terrain’ and they had quite a number of young men and women presenting different papers on the subject. It was going to be inconvenient to work that invitation into my calendar because I had a long-scheduled speaking engagement in another country the very next day but I always try not to turn down an opportunity to share my experience with young people. Besides, charity begins at home, so I decided to make it happen. Then two young men that said they were part of the organisers visited me.

They came to remind me about the event and to get a confirmation that I would be present. They gave me a brief report on the demographics of their organisation and then proceeded to tell me what my keynote address should cover and how to tailor it to suit the audience. Each statement was punctuated with “you know we young people” and “things are different from how it was when you started out, Sir.” They criticized the educational system that they said is not equipping them properly for the labour market, they bemoaned what they referred to as ‘’the terrible business environment youths have to grapple with,” and blamed the more successful older entrepreneurs for not assisting younger ones and the government for not creating an enabling environment.

As the young men were talking, I knew that I wasn’t going to be there for their conference. Those two did not represent the segment of youths that I have come in contact with; young men and women who have fire in their bosom and who believe unequivocally that they are the solutions to any problem around them. The youths I know see obstacles as opportunities and deal with setbacks as training prospects.

I could have sent my two visitors on their way but I checked my time and my next appointment was about thirty minutes away, I decided to help them understand some vital lessons which they were missing.

Lesson Number 1:

TOUGH BUSINESS TERRAIN IS NOT A NEW PHENOMENOM

It certainly isn’t peculiar to the youth. The tough business terrain is as old as business itself and dealing with the tough terrain is part of getting the business done. Anything that involves taking serious decisions and going out on a limb is tough but we handle it because we have to. Let’s start from the beginning of life; it is tough for a toddler to navigate his environment on unsteady legs but he goes ahead because he has to – everyone before him did it. I don’t think it is wise to advertise the challenges of doing business today as though it is worse than ever before. The challenges are many and different alright but they are not any more or less tough than what obtained a decade ago or a century ago. In fact, business today has an advantage that should be constantly celebrated because it helps simplify things – that is the swift on-demand information available to everyone. Technology advancement has made it very easy to keep a finger on the pulse of businesses globally. If there is a new innovation, you don’t have to wait for years before the book gets to you, the internet dishes it out as it is dropping.

Lesson Number 2:

SUCCESS IS RELATIVE

If you set a goal and you meet it, you have recorded success and you get the satisfaction that comes with accomplishment. Whether the goal is financial, activity or productivity based, the proof of success is that the goal was met. This success in actual terms might mean very little. Most times, the problem is that people set very easy targets that don’t task them. Once they can pay their rent and wear good clothes and enjoy the occasional night out, they believe they are doing great. There is more to self development than that; if you don’t aspire to achieve much, there is a very high tendency that you could never achieve much. At the other extreme are the people that set bogus targets that even they know would be impossible for them to achieve. They “just want to try” their best and the trial takes them only 30% of the way mostly. What we should be teaching young people is to set realistic goals and surpass them. We should teach them that their success is dependent on them and nobody else. We should teach youths not just to aim for success but to aspire to relevance; this is when success has reached a level where it is glaring and can compare/compete favourably with the best standards globally. Instead of Succeeding in Today’s Tough Business Terrain, I would rather teach the youths Achieving Global Relevance in Your Business. Teach them to leverage on all the digital options, international organisations and tools that are available and take their crafts and brands beyond the borders of their regions and countries.  

Lesson Number 3:

SUCCESS OBEYS PRINCIPLES, NOT AGE NOR ERA

The things that guaranteed success during my father’s time are the same formulae that have worked for me and would work for my grandchildren. Basic principles do not change, what changes are methods of application. There are several books that teach principles and steps that lead to success and if you consider these points critically they are basically the same across regions and eras. If anyone intelligently applies most of these principles and remains diligent and consistent, the end result would almost always be guaranteed.  Let’s take education for instance, most youths say education is a scam and by this, I believe that they feel people can record success without formal education. There are a few examples of people who seem to be succeeding without much education but these are a paltry few and their success is limited. The level of success that an uneducated farmer would achieve cannot be compared to that of his educated contemporary; never mind that farming has been going on for centuries. What separates them is the knowledge the educated man has about resources available to him and how best to utilise them. Some other people cite all the billionaires that dropped out of school, as their reason for despising years spent acquiring knowledge. What they have not discovered is that all those billionaires are like walking encyclopaedias in their fields. They study continuously. They read voraciously and they have a unit of highly educated men and women who advise them. The emphasis may not be on classroom education, there might be a need to overhaul the syllabus, but education is necessary, however it is received.  To succeed and to go far, one needs in-depth knowledge of whatever subject you are dealing with. QED

Lesson Number 4:

LEVERAGE ON WHAT YOU HAVE

I don’t know if I am the only one seeing this but everywhere I turn, I see or hear of a young person breaking records, setting new standards all around the world. That tells me that success and excellence are possible and for me, those have always been the greatest motivation; if someone can achieve a level of success, I always believe that there is no possible reason why I should not meet my own goals. Let our youths draw strength and motivation from the human resource around them.

Lesson Number 5:

LESS TALK, MORE ACTION

Until a driver turns the ignition of his car and takes it for a spin, the fact that it has a powerful battery or the sturdiest tyres, remain irrelevant. There is a place for learning principles and a place for experience. Let the youths take all they have learnt – principles and techniques, get into the field and practice. They would overcome all the barriers they are faced with.

My two young visitors were silent for a bit after I finished talking. One told me that he wished he’d recorded our discussion; I think at that point, he knew that I was not going to be available for that conference. I hoped I had helped them into the journey of resetting their mindset because I know that unless they move from the victim mentality to victor, they would continue to be hunted.

So long!

Fatherhood with Ibe

PROF’S STORY

The years just fell away as Prof started talking. It had been four years since our first and last meeting but he made it look as if we had been in constant communication.  I think it’s a talent and he has it in spades. I remember the first time we met, he’d walked up to me and told me how he used to enjoy the Fatherhood column and before I could say “Thanks for your kind words,” we were swapping updates on kids.

This second meeting was all about Prof though.  The conference was over and he drew me to a seat. We had quite a lot to catch up on apparently so I sat down and asked him about his children. He talked glowingly about his daughter and second son who, it seemed, were following his footsteps: the two had completed their doctorate programmes and were lecturing in different colleges abroad. He sounded as proud as a peacock and I could understand his pride.

“What about your first son and his family? I hope they are okay too?” I asked.

A wave of sadness seemed to wash over his face and he sighed heavily.

“You know how things were between Charles and I; suddenly, my son did not want to see me or talk with me just because I shared my observation about his children and the uncouth words coming out of their mouths. Those kids were just 10 years old then.”

“I hope you people have sorted out the issues. I’m sure they need you….”

“Charles and his wife hurt my feelings.” Prof cut in emotionally. “I wish I can understand the deep cause of the breakdown. I kept trying to ask them if I’d offended them in any way before that day, surely that simple and very private conversation could not have generated so much animosity. Do you know that sometimes, I would call them using other lines and his wife would just cut the call as soon as she hears my voice or Charles himself would make an excuse and cut off? My other children tried to intervene and Charles stopped talking to them too.”

“It’s quite unfortunate but you have to remain patient.” I tried to console him. Inwards, I felt a deep sympathy for Prof and wished there was something I could do to help him. It was sad to see that he was still in as much emotional pain as he was four years ago when we met last.

He let out a heavy sigh.

“His children are in Nigeria now… in fact, they are in my house as we speak. I picked them up two weeks ago.” Prof said in that same sad tone.

That was a big surprise. If his grandchildren were in his house, then things were not as bad between him and his son as I had thought.

“That is good, isn’t it?” I asked because Prof wasn’t looking like someone who had any good news.

He sighed again.

“Ibe, this is one of the few times I would give anything not to say ‘I told you so.’ The kids are in Nigeria because they got into a lot of trouble back in the states. Apparently, they both started running wild with some kids in their neighbourhood. The boy was smoking weed and whatever else he was into, same as his sister. The police picked them up a number of times for shoplifting, fighting and drug offences. They were both expelled from school and at a point, the girl ran away from home.”

“What!” I exclaimed.

“All these were going on and my son did not seek the support of any member of his family. My daughter heard about Isii’s disappearance, Isii is Charles’ daughter. Her name is Isiuwa.” Prof seemed to have trailed off into his own thoughts.

“So they found her and brought her to stay with you in Nigeria?” I asked, prodding him.

“Oh no, it was nothing so straightforward! Charles and his wife kept covering up so they didn’t get help early enough. They told my daughter the first time that Isii went to spend time with their family friends. But four months after she ran away from home, the cops raided where she was camping and took her to her parents. My daughter was in their house that day and saw the little girl, all bruised and battered. Isii told them that she was with her friends and admitted that they were forcing her into prostitution. That little girl! Those same friends came a second time and took her forcefully from her house and that is when Charles reported to the police officially because it looked like a kidnap. They found her a week later and decided to relocate both the girl and her brother.”

Suddenly, they remembered they had a father in Nigeria, I thought silently.

Prof was not through with his story.

“Charles’ wife brought her children to Nigeria and left them with her mother in Benin. I understand that she was in Nigeria for almost two weeks but she neither called me nor visited. It was after she had gone back to America that her mother sent someone to tell me that she was finding it difficult to cope with the children. She said the kids were not respecting her and that her health was not very good. She is a retired primary school teacher. She said she had complained to Charles and his wife and they told her to manage, that they would soon make other arrangements for the kids to go and stay with some other people.”

“Wow!” I exclaimed involuntarily.

“It was really a shocking development. You can’t imagine how many times I told myself to forget Charles and his stupid wife and save myself the heartache they were giving me. I reached that point several times in the six years that they have been misbehaving. Many times I just wanted to forget all about him but he was the light of my late wife’s world. We did not have kids early enough so when Charles came, my wife built her whole world around him. For her sake, I had to keep trying to bridge that gap.”

Prof removed his glasses and wiped his face with his white handkerchief. I didn’t know if it was sweat or tears but my heart broke on his behalf.

“It is difficult to cut off your own child. You just keep praying and hoping that things would get better. And, they will get better. Your grandchildren might be the healing bridge.” I told him quietly.

“Thanks Ibe. It’s really a difficult subject for me. I told Charles’ mother-in-law that if her daughter and my son want their children to stay with me even for one day, they would have to call me and make that request. I didn’t want to let her know the problems I was going through with my son. It took Charles one week to make that call. He said he was ashamed to admit that I was right all along and a whole lot of rubbish. Well, the children are in my house and so far they seem alright but I am keeping a close eye on them. I have a very strict housekeeper who knows their story so she is taking care of them and making sure they don’t locate a new gang here in Nigeria. As for Charles and his wife, I’m still asking God to help me to forgive them.”

I told Prof to concentrate on the grandchildren and let their rehabilitation be his succour and source of strength because just as in many issues of life, sometimes we fail as parents, many other times we succeed and celebrate. It is up to us to learn from the failures but channel our energy to the winnings.

So long!