DON’T RUSH IN; ALL THAT GLITTERS….

All that glitters is not gold.

I have used this title before in this blog and several times while addressing young, eager and passionate corporate executives and entrepreneurs, hungry to take their craft to the next level, anxious to smash their career targets and achieve their goals in the shortest possible time. All that glitters is not gold, sometimes, it is not even bronze. The watchword is to be careful and diligent; look before you leap. Don’t be so focused on your next big achievement and announcement that you fall headlong into a nasty pit.

I will tell the long overdue story of Tayo (not actual name), a ‘boy wonder’ in the time that that phrase meant a whole lot. Tayo was a frontline executive in a very prosperous multinational company in Lagos, Nigeria back in the early 80s. At just 30 years of age, he was in charge of the warehouse and store of a large production company which meant that he was a working encyclopaedia of the growth and success of that firm and the management valued him. The press also loved him because his activities, lifestyle and accolades were constantly in public view.

When I returned to Nigeria after my studies and brief work in the US, Tayo was one of the first persons that I was told to emulate. In those days my Dad liked to reintroduce me to all his friends, sometimes to my utmost embarrassment. He was like a tour guide, never missing an opportunity to point out my achievements. “Oh by the way, do you know that my son … is back from his studies at the Harvard university in the US?” He would ask as per introduction while sending someone to summon me. In the few minutes before I would respond to that summons, Dad would have read out my citation, ending with how I completed my postgraduate course in record time and the fact that I already had a job as a top manager with a multinational oil company. It was a ritual that seemed to give him joy and I liked the fact that he was proud of me so I let him be, knowing that it would not be long before I returned to Lagos to take up my job fully.

A day before I left Benin for Lagos, some of my friends came over for a sort of impromptu cocktail party. I was having a good time with them as they shared anecdotes about things that had happened in my absence.  I remember one of my Dad’s friends calling me aside and telling me to make new friends. He asked me the status of my friends and truly, they were people who I had been friends with from secondary school and a few from the university.

“You have outgrown these ones; you need to make friends that suit your new level in life.” He advised.

I didn’t really like that advice but I knew he meant well so I just nodded and thanked him. He then gave me his card and wrote a name and address on the back.

“Find this young man, his name is Tayo. He is doing quite well in the corporate world and would introduce you to the right circles. Just tell him that you are from me.”

It took a while before I settled down enough to remember Tayo. One day, I drove to his office which, like mine, was in Lagos Island. He welcomed me warmly and said he had been told that I would come to meet him but had stopped expecting me after so many months. We talked about work and he gave me useful advice on some issues that I found challenging.  Being from Lagos State, there were some doors that he accessed quite easily so I actually rode on his coattails for a short while especially on matters relating to government policies. Every so often, Tayo would tell me that soon he would introduce me to ‘the clique.’ He’d mentioned a few of their names and the positions they held in their organisations. They all sounded quite impressive and they seemed to like the good life as I heard stories of planned vacations in Rome or a cruise to Greece. I knew I wasn’t anywhere close to them financially but it was something to aspire to. Since Tayo was an easy guy to be with and he had said his friends were like him, I really looked forward to meeting them … until I met them.

First of all, they were hard drinkers. The first day that I met them, while I was hugging my first glass, they had gone five rounds, mixing different types of spirits carelessly and just having a good time. I shrugged inwardly. No one was going to force me to drink more than I knew I could tolerate, I reasoned and so I relaxed. The night was still young though. After a while, I noticed that they were mixing other substances with the drink and I am not talking about the weed they were smoking. I became totally uncomfortable. At this point, I wanted out very badly. This new level and its cadre of friends did not appeal to me at all. Then one of them asked Tayo what I was bringing to the table. I bristled with resentment but Tayo smiled and said he hadn’t asked me yet.

“Find out immediately.” Another of the men retorted immediately. “If he has any problem arranging himself, we can help him, at least he has a decent job.”

“Not like that one Shumah brought.” Another shot in and they roared with laughter. It was obviously a private joke but I later found out that the guy Shumah had introduced was a young lawyer who had just returned from the UK to take over his father’s law chambers. The clique didn’t think he was bringing anything to the table.

Tayo later explained to me that if I was willing, they would teach me how to make a lot of money using my position in the office. The more questions I asked, the more he opened up and the more I knew that I had to run in the opposite direction. It was obvious that these people that were perceived as organisational ambassadors, boy wonders of the corporate society, were all defrauding their organisations massively and they were all doing drugs and all under some sort of covenant never to do anything to expose their secrets or one another.

I already knew too much and I wanted no part of it. Trouble was how to extricate myself without any fuss.

(Find out how I escaped in the next upload)

Fatherhood with Ibe

A SUDDEN AND PAINFUL DEVELOPMENT

Thank God for small mercies! You have probably said these words a couple of times. I have, but you never know the true meaning until you are faced with a condition or situation that is quite devastating, that feels as if your whole world has caved in … yet you know it could have been worse, and so you are grateful to God for each new day, any glimmer of hope and any ‘normal’ hour. A lot of persons are indeed going through very harrowing experiences. Today, I’m just saying: Yes it is terrible but it could have been worse. Yes, you never expected such a calamity but you are alive and with life, there is hope. So, thank God for the positives, the small mercies, no matter how minute they seem and keep your thoughts on those joys.

Lastly, you are not alone. Reach out to people, share your pain and if help doesn’t come, perhaps comfort will.

Here’s my story:

A few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night as I would whenever a slight movement occurred. Someone was opening the door to my room. I lifted my head from the pillow without much of a surprise.

I knew it had to be my wife, Betty.

“Is that you, love?” I asked for formality.

“Yes, love!” She replied.

“You can’t sleep?” I asked in a muffled voice.

“I can sleep.” She replied quickly. “I have slept enough.” She added, shutting the door behind her and walking toward the bed.

“I have slept enough but I will sleep again,” she repeated like a toddler and then asked me where she should lie down.

“You can lie down anywhere you like dear,” I replied, turning on the light.

“So I should lie here?” She asked pointing to the ottoman at the foot of the bed.

“That’s the foot of the bed,” I replied. “You will fall down if you lie there.”

“So where should I lie then?” She persisted.

“Get to the other side of the bed and lie down.” I counselled, struggling to hold on to what was now left of my truncated sleep.

She finally found a spot on the bed, laid her head down and as I was about to return to sleep, she bolted up again.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Try and get some sleep.”

“I want to use the toilet.” She said, still sitting on the bed.

“Okay!” I replied.

“Where is the toilet?” She asked, standing up and looking confused.

“You know where the toilet is, Betty.” I believe that my voice carried a little bit of the exasperation that I was feeling. She stayed quiet for a while.

“Is it this door or that door or that door?” She asked almost in a whisper, pointing at different doors.

“It is the one to your left,” I replied patiently.

“The one to my left,” she repeated. “Which one is to my left?”

At this point, I gave up on the sIeep that I was trying to coax back and got out of bed to redirect her as she walked slowly and confusedly towards the wrong door.

I got to her soon enough …or so I thought.

“You have to hurry Love, I can’t hold my wee?” She said urgently as I reached her.

I quickly guided her to the toilet but noticed that we were a bit late. I shut the door behind me and gave her time and privacy to use the toilet. A few minutes later she emerged and I had to lead her to her maid for a change of nightie as the one she wore originally had fallen victim to the accident that had just occurred. When she was changed out into a new set of nighties, she came back to the bed and in a few minutes was off on another round of sleep. I checked my time. 3.00 am. I knew, like many nights such as this, that sleep for me was gone for the night.

As she slept, I reminisced about the past and how we got here. I thought deep of the illness that is Alzheimer. In the past three years since my wife of over thirty five years had been diagnosed with the ailment, life has taken a tumble and the lady I have always loved has become a shadow of herself.

It all seems like yesterday but the journey has been tortuous….