TRUE LEADERSHIP IN BUSINESS:
Review, Unlearn, Relearn
In today’s fast-evolving corporate and entrepreneurial world, the word LEADERSHIP gets thrown around with such frequency and flamboyance that its true meaning is slowly becoming diluted. Titles like CEO, Founder, Team Lead, or MD often become mistaken for proof of leadership, but these designations don’t always reflect what it truly means to lead.
Now more than ever, with disruptive change shaking up every sector — from fintech to fashion, real estate to education — we must pause, reflect, and re-evaluate our understanding of leadership. It’s time to review our existing beliefs, unlearn wrong assumptions, and relearn the values and practices that define genuine leadership in the business world.
REVIEW:
The Common and Flawed Ideas About Leadership
Let’s begin by examining the ideas many business owners and executives have been groomed to believe about leadership.
Leadership is Command and Control
Many still believe leadership is about being the loudest voice in the room, issuing directives from the top, and expecting obedience without question. This “boss mentality” was inherited from traditional organizational hierarchies — military-style structures that reward rigidity and compliance over creativity and engagement.
Leaders Must Have All the Answers
Another misleading assumption is that leaders are supposed to be infallible fountains of wisdom; people who know everything about everything. This belief often forces leaders to pretend competence, even when they are out of their depth, resulting in poor decisions and isolated teams.
Leadership is about Status and Power
It’s common to conflate leadership with power, prestige, and perks. Lavish offices, chauffeured cars, unquestioned authority become the symbols of leadership, rather than results, influence, or impact.
Good Leaders Never Show Vulnerability
Vulnerability is often seen as weakness in leadership circles. Leaders are taught to “always be strong,” “never let them see you sweat,” or “fake it till you make it.” But such posturing creates distance, mistrust, and shallow work cultures.
Leadership is for the Extroverted and Charismatic
There’s a widespread myth that leadership requires charisma, that the loud, confident, magnetic personality steals the show. Many quiet, thoughtful, deliberate leaders get sidelined because they don’t fit this mold. While these beliefs may have worked in a different era, they no longer serve the realities of 21st-century leadership. Instead, they often harm businesses by fostering fear, mistrust, and disengagement.
UNLEARN:
Discarding Wrong Leadership Practices
True transformation begins when we unlearn. That means intentionally letting go of these outdated and wrong models and recognizing the harm they cause.
Unlearn Hierarchical Arrogance
Leadership today is less about authority and more about influence and service. A CEO who hides behind a desk and only communicates through memos is out of touch. Influence doesn’t trickle down anymore; it flows across, through, and even upward. Satya Nadella’s leadership at Microsoft marked a shift from top-down command to collaborative growth. His humility and emphasis on culture revived the tech giant’s innovation.
Unlearn Perfectionism
You don’t need to be perfect to lead. You need to be present. Pretending to have all the answers isolates you from your team and blinds you to better solutions. True leaders are curious learners, not know-it-alls. Howard Schultz of Starbucks once admitted to a failed strategy on live television. His transparency earned public trust and boosted internal morale.
Unlearn the Cult of Personality
The most effective leaders today aren’t always the most flamboyant. They are thoughtful listeners, intentional communicators, and emotionally intelligent decision-makers. Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, leads with calm precision and thoughtfulness. He successfully stepped into Steve Jobs’ massive shoes not by copying his charisma, but by refining Apple’s supply chain and ensuring steady growth.
Unlearn Toxic Strength
A real leader is not afraid to say “I need help,” “I was wrong,” or “What do you think?” Vulnerability breeds authenticity, which breeds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of influence. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand, showed vulnerability, empathy, and open communication — hallmarks of real leadership.
RELEARN:
The Truth About Leadership Today
Having peeled off the misconceptions, let’s now relearn what true leadership looks like in business.
Leadership is Stewardship
At its core, leadership is stewardship—not ownership. A true leader sees the business, the people, and the mission as a responsibility to nurture and grow. You’re not just “in charge” of the company. You are a custodianof people’s careers, of customers’ trust, and of the culture you’re building. Patagonia’s founder, Yvon Chouinard, 86 years old American rock climber and environmentalist, recently gave away the company valued at about $3 billion to a trust dedicated to fighting climate change. His reason? “Earth is our only shareholder.” That is leadership driven by stewardship.
Leadership is Listening
Modern leaders must be great listeners. They listen to data, to team members, to customers, and even to competitors. The old way of barking orders is gone. Today, the best leaders listen, process, and act with insight. When Zoom CEO Eric Yuan noticed early dissatisfaction from users during the pandemic, he didn’t defend — he listened. He held weekly calls with users to understand their needs and rolled out improvements quickly.
Leadership is Learning
Leadership is no longer about climbing a mountain and planting a flag, it’s about building bridges, navigating change, and learning continuously. Markets evolve. Teams evolve. A learning mindset is your greatest asset. Reed Hastings, co-founder of Netflix, transitioned the company from DVD rentals to streaming, and now into global content production. Each pivot was backed by a commitment to learning and evolving ahead of the curve.
Leadership is Empathy
Empathy is not a buzzword, it’s a leadership skill. Understanding how your team feels, what drives them, and what support they need fuels productivity and innovation. When Arik Air staff protested delayed salaries, the response of management was widely criticized as heavy-handed and dismissive. Compare that to how Airbnb’s CEO Brian Chesky personally wrote to each employee affected by layoffs and gave generous support packages, winning industry-wide respect.
Leadership is Vision with Action
Finally, leadership is casting a compelling vision — not just fancy words, but a clear picture of the future, matched with actionable steps and accountability. A vision should inspire, unite, and stretch people toward excellence. Without it, even the most talented team will drift. Elon Musk’s sometimes confusing persona aside, his ability to articulate clear (if ambitious) visions for Tesla, SpaceX, and Neuralink attracts top talents and global investors.
In conclusion, we are living in times that demand more than positional authority. They demand purposeful, principled, and people-first leadership. Entrepreneurs and executives must lead not from a place of ego, but from service. Not from fear, but from conviction. Not by clutching power, but by empowering others.
So, let this moment be your leadership reset:
- Review the beliefs and habits you’ve carried this far.
- Unlearn the outdated models that hinder your influence.
- Relearn the traits that define true leaders—empathy, vision, listening, humility, and continuous growth.
In doing so, you will not only become a better leader, you will build better businesses, nurture stronger teams, and leave lasting impact…because true leadership is not a title. True leadership is a mindset, a practice, and above all, a legacy.
Fatherhood with Ibe
How to Thrive When She Earns More (Part 2)
In the last publication, we addressed the shockwaves many African men feel when their wives earn significantly more, and why this does not automatically strip them of leadership. We also explored redefining headship in the home – beyond financial dominance – and shared practical tips for transitioning into this new reality.
Since then, I have received quite a number of feedbacks. Some people agreed that the feeling of loss of control and authority is the real problem and mostly takes root in the head of the man long before any perceived insult or provocation. In other words, once a man realises that his spouse is earning more than him, he panics because he feels he has lost the manly authority. He then starts to read meanings, mostly exaggerated, into every action or word said by his spouse.
A lady responded to me:
Thanks Prof for hitting the nail squarely on the head. My name is Marmie, I was a victim of this whole male ego problem some years ago. I returned to Nigeria after studying abroad and had to go through with the compulsory NYSC programme. I was a certified accountant/auditor but served as a maths/economics teacher in a secondary school. It was there that I met and married my husband. After the programme, I was retained by the school so I held unto that teaching job while applying to various companies. My husband, also a trained accountant, was the school bursar. Post NYSC, I was in that school another full year before I got a job that I loved, with a reputable firm of auditors. My start off salary was almost double what my husband was earning. He was happy for me. However, after our first quarterly review and my confirmation in that firm, I got an appreciable raise that almost doubled my start off salary. That was when my husband started acting strange. He complained about the work hours, the people I worked with, the distance from the house etc. Finally, he demanded that I quit the job. Infact, he gave an ultimatum; it was either my dream job or him. It was totally insane and finally, it was easier to quit the marriage than function in that very hostile environment.
Marmie’s story is very similar to those of many other women and confirms that the disrespect men fear does not really come because their spouses are able to bring home a more substantial income but because the men anticipate the disrespect and become sort of aggressive quietly or openly. Respect is not a product of a paycheck; it flows from character and conduct. Many men who lose respect in their homes do so because they confuse leadership with control and income with influence. When they earn less, they allow insecurity to seep in and dictate their reactions. The real challenge often lies in maintaining respect, offering support, and creating balance in a relationship where income disparity feels like a role reversal.
We will survey how a man can thrive without resentment or rivalry even in this situation. How do you retain respect? How do you stay relevant in a home where your earnings cannot even pay for the kids’ school fees? How do you cope when her family and friends decide to override your decisions and she wants to prove that she’s now the boss?
Firstly, how do you maintain respect when your wife earns more?
- Handle Your Ego: Your wife is not your rival. Her success is not an insult; it’s an asset to your family. If you project insecurity, you invite contempt.
- Stay Engaged in Decision-Making: Leadership is about responsibility, not dictatorship. Don’t shrink back or say, “It’s your money, do what you want.” Instead, contribute ideas, analyze options, and lead discussions about family plans.
- Communicate Boundaries and Expectations: Respect is mutual. Let her know you value partnership — not competition. For example:
“I’m proud of how well you’re doing. Let’s keep making decisions together; it matters to me that we’re on the same page.”
- Contribute Consistently: Even if you earn less, commit to something — groceries, school runs, or a specific bill. Consistency speaks louder than amount.
Chinedu, a banker in Lagos, earned ₦450,000 monthly, while his wife Ada, a tech consultant, pulled in over ₦2.5 million. At first, Chinedu struggled with self-esteem. He withdrew emotionally and this made Ada more dominant in decision-making. After counseling, he realized his role wasn’t about competing but complementing. He took full charge of their children’s education plans and managed their investments. Today, Ada openly says, “I couldn’t do half of what I do without him.”
Practical Ways to Stay Relevant
- Be the visionary in your home. Drive conversations about values, child development, and future goals.
- Instead of trying to “match” her spending, focus on meaningful inputs. If she buys the house, you can furnish it or manage renovation projects efficiently.
- Handle conflicts wisely, make sound decisions, and stay emotionally steady. Many women crave emotional stability more than financial dominance.
Offer Emotional Support
Financially successful women carry a unique burden — pressure to perform, fear of failure, and societal judgment for being “too ambitious.” Sadly, many men become critics rather than cheerleaders, fueling tension at home.
- Celebrate Her Wins: Don’t sulk when she gets promoted, toast to her success.
- Protect Her From Pressure: If relatives make snide remarks like “Na woman dey feed you,” step in, don’t ignore it. Silence equals consent.
- Be Her Safe Space: When the corporate world beats her up, don’t add to the stress with jealousy.
- Show Public Pride: Praise her openly, not sarcastically but genuinely.
Imagine how different it could have been if Marmie’s husband had supported his wife instead of fighting her. He could have made her feel more appreciated, loved and valued. Just like Akin, an entrepreneur in Abuja who married Funmi, a thriving oil and gas executive. Whenever she returned home exhausted, Akin offered quiet support — handling dinner and making her laugh. At social gatherings, he introduced her with pride: “Meet my superwoman wife!” Instead of feeling overshadowed, he built his own consulting firm with her encouragement. Their bond deepened because Akin chose admiration over intimidation.
A confident man amplifies his wife’s light without dimming his own.
Guard Against External Pressure
African communities can be brutal with stereotypes. You may hear:
- His wife controls him
- He is just a house husband.
Deal with this by filtering your circle. Surround yourself with men who value partnership, not toxic masculinity. Protect your wife’s image with friends and family. Never joke about her income in ways that undermine her respect or sparks negative conversation. If in-laws make demeaning comments, calmly reinforce unity.
Build Your Own Confidence
Feeling “small” next to your wife often stems from lack of personal growth. Invest in yourself:
Improve your skills through courses, certifications, or networking. Start a side hustle or business. Even if it’s small, it gives psychological balance. More importantly, grow spiritually and intellectually: A man who commands wisdom commands respect — money or not.
When Things Go Wrong
What if success really changes her behaviour? If she becomes controlling or disrespectful, address it early and calmly: have a discussion with her. Be as plain and calm as possible. If that fails, seek counseling before resentment turns to bitterness.
In conclusion, the measure of a man is not his bank account—it’s his ability to lead with vision, love with depth, and live with security. When your wife earns more, don’t shrink or fight—thrive. Stay relevant, show respect, and provide support and improve yourself. Grow along with her. Marriage is not a competition; it’s collaboration. The African man who understands this will not only protect his dignity but also build a stronger, happier home.
Cheers!!