CHOICES

I believe we all know that a man’s present circumstances are a result of choices he made yesterday. The life of comfort you are enjoying today, the peace, the connections and financial freedom are all products of the choices you made in the past, like the years spent in school, years spent specialising and honing in on your skills, money invested into projects, etc. In the same way, the choices you are making today are the building blocks for your future. When the English man said ‘as you lay your bed, so you will lie on it,’ that was a direct alert to the fact that you would have to live with the result of the choices you make.

No matter how staggering a legacy one inherits, the sustainability or otherwise depends on the choices the beneficiary makes daily. It is common these days to see people who leave college and decide that they do not want to work. They say they want to be their own bosses and just devote their time to chasing one hare-brained money-making scheme or the other without any visible mental growth. They make some money, spend it on acquisitions that they feel they need to strike the right image in the society; they buy cars and clothes and access into the right circles but that is where it ends. They are not interested in anything beyond following a programme, ‘cashing out,’ blowing the money and repeating the cycle.

There’s nothing wrong with genuine programmes and projects that help people to make money but what is very disheartening is the fact that people just want to chase the funds without self-development and I’m not even talking about fraudulent activities.  Some people go from one ‘profitable’ scheme to the other, and before they take stock of their lives, years have gone and they are intellectually and emotionally stunted; so much activity without much productivity. This is wrong and it is limiting.

I am in a position where people think that all they need to do is have access to me and a juicy job is guaranteed and of course they mostly get disappointed because I would not impose a misfit on anyone. Sometime ago, a young man came to me with a note from someone I respect. He wanted a job and he showed me his CV indicating that he had a degree from a European university. I found out that he hadn’t done any formal job since graduation, however, he wanted the fact that he graduated 11 years ago to reflect in the job he was going to get and in the role/salary he would be given. On further enquiry, I found out that the reason he hadn’t any job experience was because he did not ‘want an office job’ after college and could not go through ‘with the stress of setting up a business in Nigeria.’ He told me that he’d basically been getting by through some investments he made. It turned out that the investments were a few lucky breaks at a betting site, apparently, for a while, he hadn’t been quite lucky, necessitating his concession to get a job.

11 years of postulations and no durable engagements. Choices!

 It is wise to build a legacy or at least to engage your skills, your intellect and your connections for your personal growth and gain. There is so much joy in success and achievement; it is bewildering to imagine someone willingly neglecting it. A young man told me arrogantly that he didn’t need to work for anyone, that presently, anything can be turned into a money making asset. He told me that a beautiful woman or handsome man would earn income just because of his looks and that is what he called slaying to the banks.

Slaying is good; in fact, I am an advocate for top grooming; whatever makes you walk confidently into a room with your head held high and joy in your heart (if it is within your earnings), by all means go for it. However, when slaying is all that defines a man or woman, it becomes a negative label and that is counterproductive. If slaying means that all you can contribute in a conversation is a pout, a flutter of lashes or running your fingers over your beards, then you have wasted valuable time and God-given skills.  By all means, slay your way to the bank but when you get the money, begin to build an economic infrastructure for yourself for the period when your skin would not be so smooth anymore and when the grin begins to look like a grimace.

Internationally, we see some models who earn megabucks by strutting across global stages, they quickly start a business on the side and use their popularity and influence to promote it. When their modelling career begins to stagger, their business would have developed to a level that would sustain their lifestyle. Choices!

Years back, a man who was a driver decided to leave his young family and go back to school. He was driving the chief executive officer of the organisation and was receiving perks that kept him fairly comfortable. He got married, had a son and decided that he wanted more out of life. He went back to school to study Accountancy. It was very rough for him for the years he was in school. He used to go to his fellow drivers to beg for handouts but they mocked him; they felt he was stupid to have left his job to go back to school. It was a very difficult period for him and his family but eventually, he graduated and was given a job in the Finance department of the same office that he had worked in as a driver. In no time, his former colleagues were the ones driving him around for official duties. In the next six years, some of those his colleagues were still at that junior level whereas he had become the Assistant Chief Finance Officer for the organisation.

Things are tough, the economy gets tighter every year: in that tightness, save, invest, study more, start a project. Do it now. The choices you make today are important for your tomorrow.

Fatherhood with Ibe

UNVEILING MOTIVES

There are many decisions that parents take, not because of their honest feeling on the matter but because of how they think their friends would perceive them. This is mostly at the core of what schools we send our children to, the courses we encourage them to study in the university and even how we react to their choice of careers. I always tell my children that I went to public schools and I still managed to come out with very good results so it is not the buildings or the phonetics of the school and teachers that matters, it is what the child makes of the knowledge imparted. I know the argument will be that the public schools were very good and had dedicated teachers at the time I went to school but not too many years ago, the best WASCE result in Nigeria came from a child who attended a government owned secondary school. They are many industry leaders that are products of public schools.

I am not advocating that parents should send their children to public schools. I am saying that it is a private choice that should be made without unnecessary pressure to be like the Joneses. A very young friend of the family reached out to me to advise him on how to handle his son and stop him from ‘bringing shame and disgrace’ to their family name. I was quite concerned. I knew Felix when he was just a lad and used to follow his mum to come visit at my house. My first son was just a baby then and Felix would play with him and have him babbling with joy. Felix was a proper young man, always neat and quite intelligent. He later became a banker like his father and rose rapidly through the ranks. I was the chairman at his wedding and I have watched him grow from a lad to a responsible man. When he talked about his dear son bringing shame to him, I was quite worried. I hoped the boy wasn’t running around with the wrong gang.  I told Felix to bring his son over to my house for a chat and we set up an appointment.

So about a week ago, Felix and his wife were let into my premises accompanied by their son who had grown far taller in the period since I last saw him. He looked quite responsible and displayed no outward sign of rebellion. I watched him keenly as he greeted me politely and sat down only after his parents had taken their seats.

“What is the problem?” I asked Felix as soon as we were done with the pleasantries.

“He wants to be a mechanic, a roadside mechanic.” Felix said, throwing his hands up theatrically. I almost laughed both at Felix’s expression and the sheer relief that the problem was far less than what I’d feared.

“Why do you want to be a roadside mechanic, Dubem?” I asked. “Are you unable to gain admission into the university?”

“I’m already in the university, Sir,” the young man replied. “I am in the third year studying Mechanical Engineering but the apprentices of the so called roadside mechanics can run a ring round me with their knowledge about vehicles. I told my parents that I want to become an apprentice and learn the rudiments of practical auto engineering. I can still get the certifications that I need as I go on.”

“Why can’t you complete your degree course first and then get a decent job with any of the car companies and learn any practical thing that your job requires while on the job.” His father cut in quickly.

“He wants to be a school dropout, Sir.’ His mum interjected. “My only son wants to quit school. When my mates are introducing their sons as doctors, lawyers and engineers, I will introduce mine as the mechanic that stays at Harley Street junction.” Felix’s wife looked as if she was confronted with the most dreadful situation.

I remembered when I had a near similar dilemma with my first son; he was passionate about music and film making. I’d used a combination of threats and treats to get him to go for a post-graduate degree and much good it did me. After the programme, Emeka went back straight to his passion but at least, I had the comfort of the unused certificates.

“You have two more years to go at the university.” I started in a conciliatory tone.

“Yes Sir.” Dubem responded in that calm tone.

“Do you understand what your parents are saying?” I asked.

“Yes Sir, but I don’t think they understand what I’m saying.”

“What do you understand about their fear?” I asked.

“I think my parents are just worried that I would not fit the image they want to project.”

His parents shouted him down. I was a bit sympathetic towards the boy but I needed to know if he was committed to finishing his university course.

“Sir, initially, I was just focused on learning the actual auto care but we’ve had conversations and I promised my Dad that I would go back to school when the lecturers call off strike but I would spend the next few vacations as an apprentice with the roadside mechanics.”

His mum started shaking her head as he was talking.

“What is the major reason for this desire to be an apprentice?” I asked Dubem. I have to admit that I was intrigued.

“The attraction is the practical knowledge. I am interested in auto engineering and I want to have my own workshop after graduation.” As he said this, his father threw his hands into the air again. “I don’t want to be the boss who speaks grammar but knows nothing about the real job.  My parents are both bankers, they don’t understand how you can have book knowledge but not know how to change a plug.”

Felix did not want his son anywhere near the roadside mechanics. He said he feared his son may not focus on his studies anymore. His wife didn’t want her son spending time with what she called ‘a pack of lowlife, hemp-smoking crowd.’

We talked for a while and all I got were good vibes from the young man. He seemed purposeful and optimistic about his plans but I had to understand his parents’ dilemma. I finally asked Dubem if he would be happy to apprentice anywhere else outside the roadside venue. He said it was alright so long as it was a busy workshop and his parents would not take forever to find the place. I charged his parents to find an auto mechanic shop that they would be comfortable with and Felix said he would get a place in less than two weeks.

When Felix called me on phone later to thank me, I told him categorically that his son should be celebrated for that initiative, not harassed or vilified.

Parents need to take time to understand their children and to support their dreams. Our personal fears and expectations should not become stumbling blocks to the children’s ambition. The times are changing and basically, parents need to play catch up.

So long!!